So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
