New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
