I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
