I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
you're hired as official boob wrangler
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
