just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
