The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
