Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
