I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
