I'm gonna have a badass scar
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
