Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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