I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize