I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
