You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
