i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
