Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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