Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
