She is in my trunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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