Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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