just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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