So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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