I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
