I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
