when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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