i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
