onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
