Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize