the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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