I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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