When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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