I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
