why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
