even my farts smell like vagina
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
