Please, let me fuck your mom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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