i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Green mimosas i think yes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
