If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
