I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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