New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
