I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
