remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
