porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
