so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
