I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
