dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
