What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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