she was so not down for the gang bang
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
