Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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