Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
