I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
