hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
