I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
