I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
