woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
