Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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