I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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