Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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