her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
