why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
