Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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