I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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