just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize