he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
