ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Less talking, more tequila
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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