No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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