Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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