You work out of a Hotel?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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