Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
