he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
