for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
