Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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