the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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