I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
