The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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